And So

I just read some of my old blogs... It was weird seeing how much I had changed since just last summer... I mean my blog on the perfect guy was very childish, and half of that I don't even think of in the perfect guy anymore... I feel like a child... I dunno. A lot has changed since then. I'm not as naive, not as jaded, not as childish. I don't believe how I used to believe. I've lost religion so many times, it's lost all meaning for me. I don't really care about how I look as much anymore. I don't really care what people think of me. and being vegetarian is stupid and useless haha. I agree with some of the things that I wrote though. I do need to live for me. I'm happy that I have someone in my life that's just there, someone I can talk to. I'm so happy at this moment, that it's almost like I am going to burst. I've missed this feeling. I feel warm most of the time. Yes I still get upset sometimes, and I feel bad that I still don't always say exactly what I'm feeling. I dunno... But I think I'm ready to actually LIVE instead of just EXIST.

Dead Is The New Alive

I have fallen in love with Emilie Autumn

I'm ready for a new start... I'm now a

And I'm probably gonna become really thin by accident... by being a vegetarian I've lost a lot of weight already... O.o

Peace

There's No Hitler And No Holocaust

Okay so I've been reading the ttyl series...again... And I've fallen back in love with Big Bunny... Go to www.big-bunny.com to watch... and also check out Amy Winfrey's other videos Muffins? and Making Fiends... AMAZINGNESS!!!!!! also listen to the Dresden Dolls... or die... lol jkjk ily guys... I sorta lost my faith in everything a couple of hours ago, but talking to Joey and watching Big Bunny helped :] alright so....

Peace

To Put It Nicely I Hope You Choke

So I'm bored... really bored... and I hate not being able to talk about certain things for fear of being found out... I've started compulsively listening to The Fall Of Troy and From First To Last... which explains my blog title...
I don't have a girl best friend anymore...which makes me slightly sad... But more than anything I feel loads lighter... I'm so used to worrying whether or not she's going to commit suicide... which as subconsciously made me suicidal as well... Because I have no reason to be suicidal. I'm perfectly happy right now... Actually I feel absolutely amazing...
So when the feelings of wanting to die came back I started looking into possibilities... And the only thing I could come up with was her affecting my subconsciousness or Lee... and Lee is out of the picture now... so... I don't want to just place the blame on her. Yes I am screwed up beyond belief... But I was okay for a little while... Also... Her saying that I toy with people was the only thing that really hurt me... I am afraid to hurt people. but I shouldn't be... if they are making me unhappy, why stay with them? anyways... I'm done for the day...

Oh yeah... My hair's pink now!

xoxoCaitlinxoxo

Last Day

Today's my last day of school for the week...and I'm ready for it.... waking up at 7 and going to bed at 12 is not the best thing in the world... I send all my love to the people that know who they are... Also I enjoy Providence Academy as my new "school", not having other students hold me back is quite a relief... Signing off for now.

xoxoCaitlinxoxo

A New Year: Thank God

2008:

Was absolutely horrible... The beginning I was still with Chris. We broke up and I started dating Dylan two weeks later... Chris started calling me a whore, a cold-hearted bitch, a slut, and told me I was better off dead. Dylan and I broke up and now I realize he was not mine to have. Then I went out with Stephanie...no comment on that relationship. Then I went out with Jonathon and that ended very badly... caused me to pass out while screaming at him... The day we broke up I left for Charleston and I met Ryan who I saved from the fishes haha(inside joke) My grandfather went into the hospital on my way back home and we drove straight to the hospital... But he's sorta better now... Then I started back school and dated Madison... We went to homecoming which was wonderful... We broke up soon after haha... What happened after? I dunno.. Oh yeah me and Kilo found each other... It was great! the day of the talent show actually... Then I think... I met Shelly? or Joey.. Oh wait no I talked to Lee then me and Shelly started talking the day Kilo came over and I dated him... lol....

Anyways I have changed A LOT this year... I've been able to make myself happy and realized I don't need anyone else to be happy. I've screwed up a lot in finding this out.. But if I hadn't done what I did.. I would never have found myself... So no I don't regret anything about this year because it shaped who I am and helped me find inner peace and myself... I found Old Greg this year, and I think Juno as well as Purple Fish... I've found love and lost it. And I have become a slightly more fun person to be around... I'm happy this year is over... But I'm also sad about what I am leaving behind... Goodbye 2008!

2009:
I plan to better myself even more and become closer to God... I'm going to try and graduate and I am going to stop with the killing myself or hurting myself...

Here's to a New Year!

xoxoCaitlinxoxo

I am Invisible

Just to let you know I am alive... I have fell in love with the band The Misfits. I have started liking The Smiths, Morrissey, Jucifer, and a lot more. I have missed blogging...It's sad when you say you're going to do somehting every day and then you just kinda lose touch of it. But I don't see the point of blogging if I don't have much to say. I've written new "songs" called Invisible, Abominations, Plagues Are The Only Things Between Us, and I Swear I Don't Have An Amputating Fetish. I'm not quite sure what to write anymore...Maybe more later...And I'll post some pictures once I shave my eyebrows off for Halloween